I can’t add a landscape page in my portrait pages document
In my music collection I have this album by Delta Goodrem titled Innocent Eyes. It’s one of those albums I’ve had for a while, since 2005 I think. In this album, there is this song named “A year ago today”. The song spoke of a lover who left her a year ago today – i think. Now, I know precious little about interpreting songs and thus that’s all I’ll be saying about the song itself. What did come to mind when iTunes randomed to this song though, was that I hadn’t engaged in this “thinking-about-what-happened-a-year-ago” sort of activity for a while. I know a friend (one who has amazingly managed to update his blog consistently) who regularly engages in variations of such an activity and it’s a good sort of activity to do now and then. I find that when I do such things, it provokes me to think and reflect on the events that have come to past and the changes that have been made to my life. This inevitably leads to the useless activity of wonder whether I should have done something differently and how that would change things but that’s besides the point.
What I did today, was think back to what it was like at this time last year. I saw the last day of school, sitting for the IB examinations and prom. So much had changed, but looking around me, I also realised that it wasn’t simply the changes that had occurred in my life. It was all that was happening to everyone else too. My friends were all moving on with life, going to different places. Just a few days ago, a teacher I have grown to respect told me she was moving on and leaving the school. I watch as my juniors upload all their pictures of their last day of school. The phrase that comes to mind is one which is so cliched (apologies) and one which I kept as my MSN nick for quite a while when I first discovered it in sec 1. Change is the only constant. I remember thinking it was really meaningful and liking it very much.
All this change may be both good or bad but what I re-realised (for lack of a better word) is that all these changes, thoughts, feelings and emotions fly past me without me realising it at all. It’s a thought that I have spoken of before on this blog and it is often what drives me open wordpress and write something. The problem though, is that wordpress presents me with this white space that is stifling and restricting. I keep thinking of the expectations that I had when I first set this blog up and what I hoped to achieve through it. I think that to continue writing more than simply lame one liners that most of my friends are so used to they don’t even bother commenting with “-.-” anymore, I really need to redefine this blog and it’s purpose to be in line with who I am right now and not who I was a year ago today. And thus I shall embark upon this quest to redefine this outlet of mine and hopefully through this process grow to understand myself better…
As a sidenote, I found this article to be of great interest. It reminds me of things I was learning a year ago today. (okay fine I cheated, more like a year and a half ago damn I know should have written this like half a year ago.)
I can see my wallpaper again! I feel a great sense of satisfaction.
Just the other day, I went back to school with an old friend. We didn’t do very much there, we didn’t visit any teachers or talk to very many people. Instead we sat down and ate lunch (or rather I did, since he wasn’t hungry) and went to look at our old classrooms. I can hardly believe it’s been a year… It seems that besides the people nothing else seems to have changed.
There are so many times I go to bed thinking that the next morning, everything would be clearer and I’d understand better. But really, perhaps all that happens is that the next morning, there are things to do. Things to do that keep these thoughts at bay, and soon these thoughts fade and disappear in a cloud of smoky mist.
Recently, I’ve developed this fear of going to sleep of leaving my book for too long. It’s just too scary. I keep thinking that if I go to sleep I’ll wake up and forget everything I’ve studied. This is not supposed to happen so soon! Maybe I need to rethink my studying style.
They do, but some others seem to have no such problem.
I really liked this article. Unlike many of those I read off aldaily, I wasn’t left feeling cheated of my time. The title was interesting and so was the subtitle, but so was the rest of the article. I particularly liked how it ended.
I shall reserve my comment regarding that article to another time, but for those amongst us who have the time… (it takes me far too long to write something proper about it) it’s a good read.
I thought I was the only one, worried that I would forget my friends who were leaving and going to different places, wondering what it would be like apart from the friends I had been with for such a long time. I was wrong I suppose, like I often am. I’ve come to discover how this is actually a central theme among the graduating students. There was even a song written about this that a friend once shared with me – Vitamin C’s Graduation. I’m afraid I haven’t read enough poetry to have come across one written about this phenomena and thus this song would have to suffice.
When a friend leaves, a close friend, a friend you’ve been with for a while, there are simply too many emotions to consider. We are happy for them, glad that they will be going beyond the boundaries of sunny Singapore to explore the world beyond. Yet we are saddened because we know we wouldn’t be seeing them for such a long while, we wouldn’t be meeting them to enjoy a good cup of coffee and we wouldn’t be hearing their laughter. It is truly difficult to decide what to feel. After thinking it through, it seems the logical conclusion is simply that the only way things could stay the same would be for all of us to go back in time and stay in school. Haha If only that was feasible.
One of the first times I faced such a situation was in the year 2006, in secondary four. We were all leaving the class of 4.9, a class full of friends and familiar faces, some who go as far back as primary four. I still remember the words our chinese teacher left for us.
There is much truth in these words. Yet it led me to think of the beauty there is in partings too. As our friends leave, we stop for a moment in our hectic lives to look back and think of the good times we spent together, the experiences that shaped our friendship. It was as they left that I found the time to think through the odd manner in which we came together and became friends in the first place. It is for these moments that we go through the confusing process of becoming friends yet we often forget them along the way.
I suppose there is no simple way to come to terms with all that we feel when a friend leaves. All we can do is try our best to keep in touch and cherish the times we have with them.
As I was brushing my teeth yesterday, I stared at the tap in front of me. In it I saw a face. It had 2 eyes, one blue and one red, and a really long nose. The other day, as I was about to plug my charger into the socket, I stared at the empty socket. In it I saw a face. It had an eye, a nose and a weird looking mouth.
For the longest time ever, I have been staring at these faces. I wonder if you see them too.
And the days passed by, solemnly and silently. Before I could stop to ponder, take another look or make another choice, it was gone. Days like these, I hate myself for being such a procrastinator. Days like these, I wonder if i’d ever achieve anything in life. Days like these, I’d curl up and lie in bed feeling sad. And whatever I do, yet another day slips by.